~*+My Journey Before Heaven+*~

Haha.. currently living in Shen Kiat’s friends house. His friend is super friendly. Her father is UBER friendly. AND has humour to boot. Splendid family. Their hospitality is amazing. And its not just the people.

The ‘food paradise’ of Singapore seems to have been put to same by Hokkaido’s jie bian tans. I blessed (Thank you God) to be able to taste the food in Hokkaido. Our food is good, but somehow pales in comparison to their food. ESPECIALLY health wise. SUPER HEALTHY, YET SUPER GOOD. They can make a jelly THAT HAS NO TASTE taste good (Whad’s hat sauce anyway. Amazing). And its only the 2nd day. Heh.

Had a discussion with my elder brother about the omiage (gifts) to buy for the church people. We will spilt. He will buy for certain people, I will buy for certain people. Although alot of people like shiroi kohibito, we found chocolate BETTER than that, so most prob gonna ship it back. Look forward to that But that’s not the point. We were discussing, and okane (money) very little. So we don’t want to double count for each person (Sorry, very stingy, heh). HOWEVER, my brother said ok, then this: “Except for Hui Shan. You buy one present, I buy one.” ……. Relli Zhong She Qing You MAXXXX!!!!

Anyway, its nt just nice food here. There’s nice scenery, and nice weather (Can you believe its 24 degrees in the midst of summer?!?). And we are going for a music performance by Shen Kiat’s friend’s brother, Masashi-san. Good job.

Thank you God for such a great time, and more ahead. I am blessed in your grace.

God can really do anything. He is the king of kings, the lord of lords. Praises be sung to him from all his creations, and may his will be done on earth as it would be in heaven. The world resound of his glory, and his kingdom come.

I find myself struggling yet again, but praises to the lord most high, for all these only make me stronger, better equipped with all that is good to do the will of God. This time, my struggle is clearly one between faith and realism.

As a modern thinker, much actions taken are based upon sound and cautious deduction, as well as logically conclusion. Even with much faith in Christ whom I place all my life in, my action must be justified by his standards before I dare to take the actions. I find myself doing quite the opposite of what believers should become when they draw closer to God. The closer I abide and draw myself to him, the harder it is for me to choose a path that is willed by him. It stems from suppression.

The more I study the bible, the more I confine myself to the laws of what was written. BUT THE BOOK IS ALIVE, and God is alive. I follow a supposed ’system’ developed to gauge the extent of which my actions are within the boundaries of God’s will and standards, and judge for myself the consequences of my actions towards his ‘Good’. WRONG. absolutely wrong. Stupid dude.

After praying for wisdom and knowledge, I thank and praise the lord for bellowing them upon one as small as I am. But this wisdom and knowledge has subsequently stymied the simplest of steps in following God. To follow, you must walk. My thinking has prevented that.

I kept thinking God did not want me to go overseas to study, that he did not want me to apply for an overseas universities. With the brain that god bestowed me, I deduced that he wants me to stay, because it seemed the logical step. God given me many services to the church. If so, why would he want to remove me from all of it? Also, I thought my SAT scores do not reflect on him wanting me to go overseas. Furthermore, its like what everyone says. I’m not the type that is suited for overseas. Not responsible enough. With that, I happy conclude that I should stay in Singapore. JUST LIKE SATAN WANTS ME TO CONCLUDE.

Today, I had a small little breakthrough. Its just a small little step. My first step to following Jesus. The true wisdom of God finally dawned upon this foolish excuse of a man entrusted with ‘God’s wisdom’. I have confined God to teachings. To logic. To promises. To situations. To circumstances. To specific parts of the bible. I have not allowed him to MAKE ME WHOLE. All his teachings. All he is. All he does. I suppress his greatness to that which is governed by the law, the surrounding, the situation at hand, and  failed to see the TRUE greatness of THE LOGIC that God MAKES the law, the surrounding, the situations, AND has promised that ‘ALL THINGS WORK FOR THE GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM’. I felt ashamed, but nevertheless excited by the prospect of a contradiction to my stand, as I now know full well that I have failed to see the ‘plans I(he) have for you(me), plans to prosper and not to harm you.’, and there ARE plans yet to come. After all he has done for me, the blessings I counted, the praises I sang to him, I actually forgot: He can do MUCH MUCH more. “That’s it, God done for me so much already, I shall give the rest of my life for him”. Great Mentality. What about the part where he WILL CONTINUE to bless and prosper me?

My SATs score isn’t the highest. But if God wills, who am I to say that THAT SCORE CANNOT put me in the university of HIS choice? I screwed up big time. To think that I cannot enter because BY standards, I have not reached the average score. If God wills, then the lowest of scores will allow his child to enter. And all will know that it is not by his strength or ability, but by the power of God and his love for us. How could I forget? Who am I to say that God did not do this so that I WILL KNOW that it is only by his grace that I could enter? I stand now, ready for him to make a testimony out of me.

Today, it fills me with excitement and anticipation that God is the God of ‘ALL THINGS’, and that this ‘ALL THINGS’ work for MY GOOD. Holy, holy, holy. God all mighty. The world is FILLED with your glory.

Now what? Tell you what. I’ll take that little step I mentioned just now, and go apply for an overseas university. And from it, that will contribute to the ALL THINGS that will lead to my good. I just have to love him first, ad take that step to FOLLOW. I thank God for edifying my ‘wisdom’, and thank him for really giving me the wisdom that I truly seek. The wisdom of God, not man. And lord, make me smaller, just so you might become a BIGGER in my life, for you have really let the foolish teach the ‘wise’. Praises to the lord on high. Amen, amen, amen.

PS: Thank you lord for the wisdom and knowledge, but help me so that it may not become the very thing that brings me away from you. Lord, I believe that you alone, am. Help my unbelieve. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Tears are seldom shed, flowing down only when something really moves the spirit within. That day, in the middle of deafening silence, tears fell as the the heart was disturbed by waves of genuine worship. That day as I left the sanctuary, the silence of emptiness was pierced.

With one right hand and a recovering left collar bone, a young girl struggling to recover from injury sat at the piano, playing familiar worship songs. Her small left hand moved with awkwardness and uneasiness, her fingers hardly streching due to its under-utilisation. Every stretch from her recovering side took deep breathes and slow movements. Yes, there was no rythmn, a million and one notes wrongly played, long pauses created by lagging movements, and no QC. But yes, there was worship.

As she desperately wants to recover from her injury, she too so desperately wants to worship the lord the way she has done. So desperate that the music, the sound, the tone doesn’t matter. So fervent that all that surrounds her cannot stop her, even her own pain.

True worship is that from a desperate heart, that all is done for the glory of the lord, that he alone should be our focus. So desperate should we need him that we cling to him and never let go even if bones will break and flesh will weary. I stood beside one so desperate to worship him, and feel the paleness in comparison. The only thing that I could do was to join her in worship for the lord alone.

I find myself not desperate enough for God’s words, his wisdom, his power, his salvation. Maybe I do know what he has done, but that girl knows the magnitude of what he did. There is so much more for me to learn. And as I stood there listening to the genuine (albiet its start stop) paean for god, I guess we really are made to worship him.

For your alone are my king. Amen.

A comprehensively constructed website that tests and gauges the strength of one’s vocabulary, as well as aray of words that can be used to brighten this vapid society. But, more than that, this site provides for the needy, with each correctly answered question being an indirect donation to some needy person (thanks, all you munificent donors). The billions/millions of grains of rice donated per day would help keep the needy alive for that much longer to fight for a better future. All we have to do is go to www.freerice.com and spend some time working on the questions right? Our facile act of clicking multiple choice answer can bring smiles to those below mediocrity. When all is done and dusted, it may even be counted as a good deed.

So why am I plunged into an onerous conflict within my cerebellum? I cannot help but think that the world seems to be in decline, that as our environment deteriorates at exponentially devestating rates, so follow our lives. As we seek the perpetual ascendency into sophisticated studies and developments, our Earth steps onto the glissade to destruction, together with her people. I believe that when God created this world, a certain amount of effort was put into its sustainability. This sustainability stems from the ability for energies to form cycles that will loop without depletion. However, it has come to a time when the natural cycles have been broken down due to the introduction of extraneous wants generated by the exceedingly unsatisfied ‘consumer’ (Don’t see other animals complaining about the temperature being too hot, and too the initiative to create the air-conditioner). Even the distribution of wealth has been perturbed. With the wealthy becoming evermore opulent, the money distribution is beginning to slant towards on side, forcing the other side into a struggle for survival. The resource that is wealth is obviously hogged by the rich, living the others in need. Freerice.com is just another effort by increasing aware individuals trying to tilt the balance back into position. Albeit their valiant efforts, the slide continues.

I see websites such as this an indication of the rising desperation plaguing our lands. The more we need to attempt to ’save our planet’, the greater the adumbration of self-destruction. Just a random opinion though, don’t mind me

Barabbas. A man that only knew murder. The bible have no records of his history, but he was a man of killing. A man who pillaged and murdered for his survival. The people hated his ways, and plotted his downfall. They succeed, and he landed in prison, waiting for his death to come. He was to die by the most gruesome death penalty ever known in Israel: Cruxification.

I want you all to imagine with me. That you are him. A sinner, thrown into prison, waiting for your death. No deed can atone for the lives you have crushed, the families you have destroyed, the people you have hurt. In that prison, darkness surrounds you, only the memories of your sin linger in the cold, lonely cell. Your anticipation: Death. The only thing that awaits you.

You wake up one morning, the day of the execution, knowing it was your last. From your cell, you could hear the yelling:

“Crucify! Crucify!”

You imagined yourself on the cross, the shame, the pain. The eyes that would stare you down till your last breath. You try to hide, but there is nowhere you can run except to the corner of the cell. What have I become? The tears start flowing down the most heartless, knowing that his life is about to end. I don’t what it to end. Can’t somebody give me another chance? But deep down, there was resignation. Who would? After the sins you have done? Your hope, crushed by the deafening sound outside…..

“We want him dead! Nail him on the cross! He deserves death!”

Their words pierce even the most steel heart. Am I not human? I still have feelings! But there is also truth in the heart. How could a man who has committed the ‘ultimate’ sin have any right to escape death?

The sound of cell keys resonating against each other signalled the arrival of the his death. The soldiers have readied themselves to bring the men out for their rightful punishment. You prepare yourself for the worst. The cell opens. The sound of creaking metal, and the cell door becomes the path to your death. The cell guard calls for your name. You look up, and walk towards what seemed like the grim reaper himself. Only death awaits. You stare blankly, waiting for the guard to end you struggle.

“You’re free to go.”

Stunned, you look and him, puzzled by what seemed to you like a dumb joke to crack at the end of your days. As you stood there bewildered, the time frustrated the guard.

” Just go. You’re released. Free. Someone’s taking your place.”

What? I’m free? Released? Someboby took my place? After all I’ve done? Who would show me such mercy? Then, the crowds resound the truth of his Messiah.

“Crucify Jesus, the son of God! Give us Barabbas!”

The saving of a life through another really is hard to comtemplate. It is even harder for us to understand why God would did what he did to save us. I think the one who really felt the saviour of our lord is the ones who are most sinful, like Barabbas. He felt the full force of Jesus’ death, and the meaning behind the gospel he left behind. If you were Barabbas, you will discover what he found out that very day when Jesus dies on the cross: I am saved and freed of my sin, because Jesus Died, FOR ME. Amen.

That day when Yu Bao Lao Shi came back to our church, she her perspicacity has inevitably spotted my yearning of becoming a translator on stage. She was spot on, saying that I looked as if I was listening attentively, trying to translate what the pastor said, and comparing it to the actual translation. You know what? She was right.

however, it is up to God who he calls upon to stand up there for him. I would continue to be what I am, the guy that translates the pastor’s sermon clandenstinely even though someone else is doing it. If God calls upon, it is by his blessing that I do his will. If not, then its ok. There is so much more positions that God has bestowed me so that I can learn and grow spiritually, and for that I thank him.

Still, Yu Bao Lao Shi has asked me to continue to ’sustain’ my inert abilities so that God can fire his arrow(me) when required. Therefore, I’ll continue to hone my english language, as well as my mandarin while I study for SATs to gauge myself as to where I stand. Was looking at the SATs vocab list, and I have a humongous pile of words unknown to me, waiting for me to uncover…… somehow, it seems more fun than games!

Was listening to a song by Akon, and it made me understand one of the puzzling actions which Jesus Christ took while he was in Israel before he was crucified.

The Pharisees, wanting to test and find fault in Jesus Christ, dragged a woman who sinned in front of Jesus. There, Jesus stood listening to those sly men telling him about her sins.

She slept with other men, even though they had wives.

“Yeah! She slept with me even though she knew I had a wife.” Can you imagine with me? The men that slept with her slating her, pushing their part of the blame solely unto the shoulder of one lady. And what becomes of a lady who has been adulterous? Moses told them to stone.

“So Christ, what should we do to her? Should we stone her?” This men know what they are doing. If Jesus just let the woman go, then he does not follow the instruction of Moses! Prophet of God! How then can he possibly be the Messiah? God would not let sinners go unpunished! On the other hand, if He stoned her to death, then how is he the son of God? He does not have compassion! He does not possess the grace of God! It is a trap set by the Pharisees, ready to demean Jesus when he takes action.

Jesus, knowing the Pharisees intention, paid no heed of the booming chants of “Stone her!” that surrounded him. He drew something on the floor, maybe around the woman in question. Some stones gathered together on the ground. Then, Jesus stood up and said,” All those that think they do not have sins, go ahead and stone her.” Silence.

Nobody stoned, and in the end the woman was set free. Why did Jesus not stone her? Wait, lets tackle the initial question that should come to mind. Why did you not stone her? Why did they not stone her when Jesus said that? It is all too obvious. They all know. The have sinned. The men that slept with her. The Pharisees that tried to trick Jesus. The men who wanted her dead. That was why not a single one of them laid a finger on a piece of stone. They cannot. After all the blaming, pushing, shoving, we find out that we are sinners. But are we going to tell people? Nope. Therefore, the silence. We don’t need to tell people about our dirt. Nobody would.

Then comes the final question. Why did Jesus not do it then? He was clean. He was sinless. He probably was the only person that could pick up a stone. Why did he not do it and contridict his Father? All people will be judged and punished according to their sins. So should she. SO SHOULD WE. Why did Jesus not do it?!?! The song enlightened me on something.

Even though the blame’s on you,

I’ll take the blame from you.

Even though nobody knew, Jesus knew he did not need to stone the woman. Yes she was sinful. Yes she should be stoned. But Jesus did not need to stone her, because he knew more than ANYONE else that HE was on his way to the cross to take her just punishment for her. For the men that slept with her. For the pharisees that tried to trick him. That their sins will all be punished. And the punishment will be on him. He took it all, and paid it all for you.

When Satan was ready to devour you for the sins you commit, Jesus stepped in.

“He/She is my child. Put the blame on me. I’ll take it.” Remember the last time your mom or dad had to step in for you? Yup. Jesus did just that.

As I returned from morning break, I went over to the assignment desk to receive today’s workload. Usually, there would be a few in the morning, a few more in the afternoon, andd after I’m done with the two batches I will be free to loiter around the office and become the envy of the rest of my colleages, or sit down quietly and self-study so that I would not have to see the scowl from my fellow workaholics (well, its not like I do not want to be like them, just that I do not get the amount of assignments necessary to continue typing at my desktop for consecutive hours). Today, it was totally different. To my bewilderment, what I got from the assignment counter was a smile from the lady mending the counter.

‘Oh, you have no assignments today in the morning.’

NO ASSIGNMENTS!!! That would mean I literally have NOTHING to do for 3 hours (unless I get arrowed for work). Therefore, I decided to take this time to reflect on the last couple of weeks. This was the outcome.

1) I have not scolded any vulgarities at all. This was something I felt proud of, and I am sure the lord is pleased with this, because it is not easy to do so when everyone around you bombards crude words as methodically as eating bread and butter for breakfast.

2) I have however, slept in Sunday sermons once during this month. I am saddened by the fact that even though I tried my best, I still am not able to contain the sleep monster. It made me feel really guilty as the reason for my sleepiness was due to me staying up late to keep my friend company as he came over to have fun. This point was brought up to me by one of my fellow sister in christ, who said to me, ” You should never sacrifice the time you dedicate to god. Sermons do not start when you the pastor starts to talk, it starts when you attend the sermon.” That shot a bulllet through my heart, and I spent the rest of the day contemplating on my erroneous actions. I am saddened not because what she said was correct, but because I really did place my heavenly father second.

3) I have found out that banana milk tea is WAY better than milk tea. Anything that tastes more like banana definitely tastes better than something that tastes less like banana. I have sworn to never purchase milk tea again unless banana milk tea is not available (I never knew the existence of banana milk tea until last week. Amazing).

4) I found out I have started to read the bible a little more consistently (credit to my free time in the office ). Reading the bible really helps you know a lot more about the lord, and it acts as a guide whenever you go astray. Our lord is the sheperd indeed.

5) My cell group has not come together for quite some time, and I feel that we should nudge the group leader a little to get things going again. However, we must also understand that our group leader needs to study for his A levels as well.

6) I found out that prayer meetings are very useful. The common thinking is that it is just another meeting where we come together and pray. However, I discovered that the power in the meeting lies in the fact that we have a big group of people praying to the lord about something in common. Imagine: You make a prayer about something, and god listens to you and plans according to your prayer; a group of people make the same prayer about something, and god listens to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US and plans according to our prayer. WOW. Not only that, it gives those people who are weak in prayer to develop themselves in this aspect. Whenever you get stuck while praying, you can always listen to those praying around you, and draw from their prayers on what you can pray about that similar issue. This way, you pray better, more specifically, and to greater effect. I promise to attend prayer meetings from now on.

7) I think I have not been showing concern to my fellow brothers and sisters in christ. It dawned on me when I discovered Xue Wei praying for me to be filled with spirit and strength so I could listen to the sermons (thank you Xue Wei). The people around me are praying for me, but it I seldom prayed for those around me. Therefore, I shall adopt a different stradegy for prayer. Everytime I pray, I must at least pray for somebody that is related to me. At night, I would pray for everybody that needs a prayer, and at least one person whom I personally feel needs a prayer.

I cannot seem to control the words that come out from my mouth. The lord says that one must learn to control his tongue so as to not offend. I think I have not been able to do that, and thus I start building my foundations. Firstly, I shall make sure there is a thought process before anything is said or done. I must make sure my english is properly corrected to sound less offensive. Operation: Mind Filter would commence on 25/04/2007, 1105 hours.

That is the investigation outcome of the month. As I once again wait for lunch break, I shall draw upon the strength of the lord to fulfill these promises to myself. If anyone sees me breaking my promises, please do not hesitate to tell me that I have gone astray. Thank you. Have a pleasant day under the holy presence of the lord!

I gasped with despair as I saw the amount of letters pile up in front of my very eyes. There was a rough estimate of 30000 letters waiting patiently for the office to be folded, put into an envelope and sealed.

‘Di Wei, do you need to call your mom if you need to OT till 7pm?’
‘No. Why?’
‘Good, cause we need to finish the comskit by today.’

The intensity of the imminent physical labour has not sunk in yet when I started on the taxing assignment. Envision this: you spend about 30 minutes to finish sealing 100 letters, and there is 29000 more letters staring back at you. It felt like scaling Mount Everest without the proper equipment, and soon I was dead and out. I leaned back onto my chair, clutching my head forlornly as I came to a realisation that it was not going to be 7 pm. As it stands, I may reach home just in time to sleep.

‘Heavenly father, save me! What am I to do?’

After hearing my honest plea for help, god hit me abruptly with an imagine from yesterday: my cell group sitting around a table, Min Min voicing out her opinion.

‘I think we look like an assembly line, everyone doing different things and putting it together.’

Thank you lord! And of course thank you Min Min, for that sentence that was spoken became our saving grace. We immediately allined ourselves along the breath of the table, and we took off. One person stuffing the SAF announcement into the envelope, on person applying glue, one person sealing the envelope, and one final person bundling all the letters. Quicker than anyone can tap one red mana, summon a lightning elemental and use it to attack for 3, we finished letters 10 by 10. With hypersonic movement that eludes even the eyes, we actually believed we could finish everthing before the end of office hours. And that we did, finishing everything before 4 pm! But it was not just us. All the rest of the office mimicked our work ethics as well as efficiency, 30000 was done in a flash.

Praise Min Min! If it was not for her comment, an office might have to suffer fatigue from overtime. Praise the lord, for showing me the efficiency behind Min Min’s comments. As I prepare to go home as per normal, an approbating smile materialised on my face. Who needs the printing machine? (If you have not already known, we had to seal letters manually because the printer broke down. What a pain!)

The office is not a really propitous environment to study. Whether its jaded colleages lying face down on the desk catching their afternoon naps, or insouciant personnels wiping out their PSPs to past their time, they always seem to act as distraction whenever you start stduying. They seem to infuse a sense of lethargy, and their aura seeks to decimate any attempt on your side to movitate yourself to study. Somehow, I manage to onerously force myself to focus, and managed to study some graphing technics before finally conceding defeat.

No matter how much you galvanise defenses against slacking off, I must admit it is quite inutile, and sooner or later you just raise the white flag reluctantly and fall back on your chair to catch a few hours of rest. However, just because it is almost certain you would slack does not mean you do not put in the effort to get something done.

Those with flying A level grades might have the previlege of taking these two years to hibernate, but I have a lot of catching up to do if I were to make ammends to all the time I have wasted. Therefore, consistent effort must be done to keep myself going in the office, as there is almost zilch motivation coming from superiors and peers.

Furthermore, I can always just pray for the strength that I would definitely need to allow me to put in conscious effort so that it can produce results at the end. In an environment infelicitous for studying, one needs to pray to god for strength more than ever. For god has said that his strength is made perfect in weakness.

That being said, I guess its still ok to rest awhile when you really are tired. What is the point of studying when nothing is actually learnt due to fatigue?