Recalcitrant Trying to Change?
That will be me, obdurate when it comes to the things that are significant to me, even though it may not be salutory, may not be, in all regards, necessary. Maybe that has been the reason for many self-imposed burdens. Therefore, I thought of a way of acessing each situation with a fresh outlook: Do all I can, properly, MEANINGFULLY, and leave God to do the rest. The most important thing is, I should not be heavily affected by what happens.
My pursuit of helping the person in my office has negatively affected my work performances. This has not just affected me, but his rippling effects, especially to my madam. I cannot allow my own problems to affect others. However, due to my internal ‘over involvement’ with the situations at hand, I have allowed it to affect my performance. This is wrong. Therefore, I’ll do what I can, when I can, and leave the thinking and changing to God. If I am the one thinking about the problem, working on it, and anticipating that something will happen to ameliorate the situations, then I would be more affected if nothing or something worse happens. I guess I need to adopt another more ‘uncaring’, but technically more accurate approach: Do my part, and the results (unless negative) does not matter. Only God can change the hardest thing. And WHEN my actions actually make a difference, I will praise God that it makes the difference. Easier said than done though.
However, this discovery and realization will change alot of things with regards to how I work, and more importantly, what I think. I guess the greatest burdens I am not intended to carry are the burdens generated by my thoughts, which analyse and prognosticate things that may happen and try in its powerless way to make the changes necessary to obtain desired results, which becomes negative energy when the problem seems unsolvable. This needs to be eradicated.
So. I may start acting weirdly, maybe more lively, more relaxed, even less ‘thinking’. Don’t worry, cause its due to the changing thought flow, or perhaps the change in thought processes that I have adopted since young. If not, there maybe a slight chance that I’m just stoning. Lengthy revision for SATs and used to bombard a rusty cerebellum and the effects, initially infinitesimal, has culminated into devestating effects. Hope the rust will drop before my SATs Reasoning Test. REALLY HOPING. Wait, aren’t I suppose to do my part and leave the rest to God? Sigh… its a long way before rectification.
