Sweat, Blood, Fatigue, Joy
Finally was able to participate in a game of sports. It has been too long since this body could move normally, and it has just been itching for some intensive action ever since. Today, I finally played a match of basketball. Boy did I enjoy it.
Never have I find so much joy jumping, so much pleasure seeing the ball being released from my hand. Never have I smiled as much in a game of sports as I did today, as I enjoyed the moment I had with my mates. No, we are no high class professionals drilled to fulfill our full potential. Just a bunch of rag-tag PES E people, all deemed physically incapable of winning any war by sheer physical superiority. However, in a match where I’m playing with a bunch of people who enjoys the game, it was the first time I felt joy jumping for a rebound.
When I was a high jumper, I lavished the times when I break the records, the days when I can beat my opponents hands down. I lament at the times when I was unable to win a competition, to beat my own record. Each training was about training my body, building up my stamina, improving my technical ability. I was good, but I never took time to take a jump, flip backwards and allow myself to hang there in mid-air. I never enjoyed looking into the setting sun before training ends, lying on that blue mattress. i thought the sports was only about winning. I was wrong.
Today, as I made a rebound against my taller counterparts, as I gripped firmly onto the ball and landed on both feet to turn and make the shot, as I released my first shot towards the net and hear the sound that indicates 2 points (chop!), I thanked God that, after the storms I faced lying in the wards, operation after operation, I could stand in the midst of men to once again play a sport loved by so much. Thank God that I could still run, take knocks, and kick in to full gear. More importantly, I thank God for showing me that, in the competitive field of sports, when we still will think of winning, I have started to enjoy what I am doing. I may be tired, may be losing, may be struggling to reach full fitness. However, this may be the first match when I meant, from the bottom of my heart: “Great game.”
My determination to win a game will never fade. My efforts I put in any game will always be 100%. But now, its so much more, and means so much more when I do it will laughter and smile. Its impossible to do it in big games. I know. I went through that period, and I do not need reminding of how much it ’sucks’ to lose. But it sucks more to find yourself playing something you love, but not enjoying every moment of it.
Di Wei, took you long enough. Why you study and learn so fast, but when I comes to life lessons its always so slow?
Well, doesn’t matter. Thank God I learn them.
Where Does My Strength Come From?
The only thing that can heal a tired soul or the fatigued flesh is the ceaseless love from God. Love may be the most abused word in the world, but it is from this inundating emotion that we draw the most strength from. How do you think soldiers can continue to fight day after day after day during times of war and struggle, after the motivation has subsided, the rations thinning, their bodies weaken, or being vastly outnumbered? It is the photo of their family tucked under their beds, hidden under their uniforms, worn on chains over their neck. Where do parents draw their energy from to administer to their mischievous, frolicsome children, guiding and caring, even though their body only ages with time? It is simply because you are their beloved child. It is the most ‘abused’ word, not because we use it too often on everything, but it is simply because it is everywhere: The love of God that created everything. The friends that greet you when you reach school, the games you love playing, that delicious cake that puts a smile on your face.
Often, we hold firm with faith that God is there for me, always with me, never forsaking, but fail to remember the reason why he is there: That he loves you. Therefore, look forward fervently to the next time God shows his love, living with anticipation of his abundant grace.
By the way, never forget: Thank God he loves me. He did not have to. He chose to. That brings me great joy, pride and strength.
Fats!
I was bathing after dinner. after a full clean shower, I discovered something adhere to my body that felt bouncy. !!!! Lard!!!
2x ankling
3x cycling
2x electric chair
3x gao1 tai2 tui3
3x sit ups
reps shall be progressive. The clandestinely congregated United Nations shall once again split parties into 6 divisions. The perpetrator shall use acts of aggression and brutality to force titanic shifts all the way to the earth’s core. If lives and lard must be sacrificed, so be it. Take no prisoner.
Mission
codename: Lardstorm
Objective: Infiltrate through the front, rambo till the end. Leave no mass unconverted.
Completion: When all enemy units are ‘musclelised’.
Freerice.com
A comprehensively constructed website that tests and gauges the strength of one’s vocabulary, as well as aray of words that can be used to brighten this vapid society. But, more than that, this site provides for the needy, with each correctly answered question being an indirect donation to some needy person (thanks, all you munificent donors). The billions/millions of grains of rice donated per day would help keep the needy alive for that much longer to fight for a better future. All we have to do is go to www.freerice.com and spend some time working on the questions right? Our facile act of clicking multiple choice answer can bring smiles to those below mediocrity. When all is done and dusted, it may even be counted as a good deed.
So why am I plunged into an onerous conflict within my cerebellum? I cannot help but think that the world seems to be in decline, that as our environment deteriorates at exponentially devestating rates, so follow our lives. As we seek the perpetual ascendency into sophisticated studies and developments, our Earth steps onto the glissade to destruction, together with her people. I believe that when God created this world, a certain amount of effort was put into its sustainability. This sustainability stems from the ability for energies to form cycles that will loop without depletion. However, it has come to a time when the natural cycles have been broken down due to the introduction of extraneous wants generated by the exceedingly unsatisfied ‘consumer’ (Don’t see other animals complaining about the temperature being too hot, and too the initiative to create the air-conditioner). Even the distribution of wealth has been perturbed. With the wealthy becoming evermore opulent, the money distribution is beginning to slant towards on side, forcing the other side into a struggle for survival. The resource that is wealth is obviously hogged by the rich, living the others in need. Freerice.com is just another effort by increasing aware individuals trying to tilt the balance back into position. Albeit their valiant efforts, the slide continues.
I see websites such as this an indication of the rising desperation plaguing our lands. The more we need to attempt to ’save our planet’, the greater the adumbration of self-destruction. Just a random opinion though, don’t mind me 
Impending Transitions
As time flies and passes like a gust of wind or the ceaseless tides of the ocean, the footprints left behind by friends when they leave the office in the coming months will definitely cause much affliction. However, these pains will have to be beared, and I will not only look back at the moments that left their mark in my life, but also the approaching change in the respective team members. As the familiar leave for greener pastures, greenhorns armed with different abilities and skills will step in to feel their boots.
Some boots cannot be filled. Some of the characters are just too strong and imposing, their imaginary can sometime be felt lingering in the office. However, what is imminent cannot be avoided (Duuh…), and rather than sweat and lament at the leave of individuals who have weaved into our lifestream, we should instead look forward to welcoming the prospects that will set foot into this office. These people, along with those whom you will continue to remain in contact with, will become an integral part of the way you mature. The good, the bad; the beautiful, the ugly. These things that will happen with the people around you, the way you take and handle these things, as well as its influence on your maturing mentality will shape the type of person you become as you prepare to face another epic chapter of your life in university.
And so, as our leader, Ang Keng Kok, creator of the guild the is the ‘House of Flying Daggers’(guess how he practises his art? Yup. Arrow.), another will emerge. This unfortutious outcome will only apply to me, who sits in the sardine of members from the guild. Easy target.
It is not all gloom though, as the newcomers are increasingly more apt and intellectually more capable with the coming generations. An example is my partner, Adrian, who surpasses what most would deem as normalcy. Hailing from RJ, one of, if not THE MOST prestigious (barring from my biasly superior school known none other than Hwa Chong Institution )high school, he contains limitless potential to conjure consistent, quality work, day in day out. Having such ability around me is really reassuring. Sometimes, change has its positive points.
Therefore, I’ll be looking forward to that day. Still, its really quite distant……
Recalcitrant Trying to Change?
That will be me, obdurate when it comes to the things that are significant to me, even though it may not be salutory, may not be, in all regards, necessary. Maybe that has been the reason for many self-imposed burdens. Therefore, I thought of a way of acessing each situation with a fresh outlook: Do all I can, properly, MEANINGFULLY, and leave God to do the rest. The most important thing is, I should not be heavily affected by what happens.
My pursuit of helping the person in my office has negatively affected my work performances. This has not just affected me, but his rippling effects, especially to my madam. I cannot allow my own problems to affect others. However, due to my internal ‘over involvement’ with the situations at hand, I have allowed it to affect my performance. This is wrong. Therefore, I’ll do what I can, when I can, and leave the thinking and changing to God. If I am the one thinking about the problem, working on it, and anticipating that something will happen to ameliorate the situations, then I would be more affected if nothing or something worse happens. I guess I need to adopt another more ‘uncaring’, but technically more accurate approach: Do my part, and the results (unless negative) does not matter. Only God can change the hardest thing. And WHEN my actions actually make a difference, I will praise God that it makes the difference. Easier said than done though.
However, this discovery and realization will change alot of things with regards to how I work, and more importantly, what I think. I guess the greatest burdens I am not intended to carry are the burdens generated by my thoughts, which analyse and prognosticate things that may happen and try in its powerless way to make the changes necessary to obtain desired results, which becomes negative energy when the problem seems unsolvable. This needs to be eradicated.
So. I may start acting weirdly, maybe more lively, more relaxed, even less ‘thinking’. Don’t worry, cause its due to the changing thought flow, or perhaps the change in thought processes that I have adopted since young. If not, there maybe a slight chance that I’m just stoning. Lengthy revision for SATs and used to bombard a rusty cerebellum and the effects, initially infinitesimal, has culminated into devestating effects. Hope the rust will drop before my SATs Reasoning Test. REALLY HOPING. Wait, aren’t I suppose to do my part and leave the rest to God? Sigh… its a long way before rectification.
The Sadness I feel……
is not mine. I think I’m back to burdening myself with unnecessary worries and concerns. Things that are not left for me to change or deal with. Things that I cannot change. The inexperience of life’s multi facet levels and dimensions that my incapability cannot dissect. I’m am going to be 21, and yet there is so much in life and the bible that I do not comprehend, so much that I begin feeling helpless. but all these are only steps to learning more.
My expression is inadequate, my feelings will not effuse. I have so much words to outpour, yet I never let it out for fear of the invidious effects on people close to me. I cannot, even though I know the words will do them good. For not doing that, I scorn my timidity. So how am I to treat it as ‘burden I am not meant to carry’? Wherein lies the justification of my actions? Is it just an excuse to rub my bruises when I fail to ameliorate the ‘tasks’ at hand? More fundamentally, are these ‘tasks’ mine to handle?
God don’t just burst two lungs for frolic. God’s gaiety does not come at the cost of his children’s health. He did that for me to learn, to understand that there are limits in me, that I have to rest, that there are burdens which really are not meant for me to shoulder. But father, it is so hard. So hard not to want to shoulder the burdens of those you love. Who would bear seeing the ones they love in despondency while the nefarious devil smiles vilely at his success? Only you God, whose love for us you weigh heavier than your own love, that you paid your son for sinners. But I cannot.
Then there’s the point on prayer. Yes, through dreams and real life situations given to me, I have learnt that there are things that only God can change. I comply. However, there is also the issue on passive and active prayer. Should I just pray and watch, and when my family suffers more, I’ll soak it all in and reciprocate by praying more? There must be more to this praying thing. There must be more steps available then just consistent prayer.
To me, any semblance of incipient problems amongst my loved ones is worth exacerbating. And if there is nothing I can do, my impotence generates disconsolation. After much thought, my stance has changed. I know I need rest, but I will leave that to God. For everything I am concerned with, I will put my two cents in it. For everyone that i think I can help, I will put 10. And for every time there is nothing, I will rest. I’ll leave the rest to God. If he wants to mold the wrong in me, I’ll gladly take another hole to learn a lesson. I’m a refractory child aren’t I? Sorry lord for being so stubborn. I just can’t help it. You made every Christian my family.
Thomas.A.Edison
One of the most respected scientist to ever grace the Earth. His ideas tilted minds towards a more advanced future, his research produced the cornerstones of Physics, paving the way for the next generation of bright minds. We know of his contributions, we read them as text. However, his values of life that made him the scientist he was should not be overlooked. Lessons can really be learnt.
Not just from him too. Many more predominant people who left their mark on Earth, who have gone through life’s zenith and nadir, and in the end left messages of vast experience waiting for new-borns to accidentally discover.
Thomas.A.Edison depicted a fervent peserverance that resulted in his success. His values can be seen in his quotes:
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.”
He lived his words. The invention of the filament changed humanities lifestyle and will continue to be an integrated part of today’s multifarious infrastructures (lights). Behind this inventions were 10000 materials considered, expermented, proven that could not work, the one after the 10000th made history. Picture yourself in his shoes for a second: your now at the 1000th try to find an object that can emit light by electricity. Low and behold! It fails again. After 1000 tries, would you choose to continue with the experiment? As if the endogenous prompting isn’t enough, the rest of your fellow scentists belittle your attempts, stating the obvious.
“Come on now, its virtually impossible! Look at all the things you have used! Even your own hair was set on fire! You tried everything, you have given it your best shot. Let’s just conclude that it not possible ok? Don’t be too sad though.”
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.”
“Reeeeaaally? Thomas, come on. You HAVE tried what seems like the googolplex time. What have you got? NOTHING!”
“Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean its USELESS.”
Respect to you Edison. His almost fanatical devotion to a vision to allow people the ability to continue to do things at night gave birth to what in my opinion is the greatest invention ever. I can only guess wthat his movition was: His vision of people using his invention to improve their standard of living outweighed the justifications of giving up.
But is that all? How do you live with so much failures? He failed like 10000 times! Was he not down? Depressed? What gave him strength to continue? One of the things he said portrayed a man with much more than perseverance we must learn from.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10000 ways that won’t work.”
He was right. But this is not the point. The core of the sentence stem from the way he went about his experiments. With optimism. With the anticipation that everything he has culminated would be a small step towards his vision. We deem each of his experiments as piddling. However, while we are looking at his experiments to gauge its value, he was looking forward to his vision to gauge its value, picking up everything he could along the way to ensure his vision becomes the reality that is today.
I ask of us to look at our lives now, what our ultimate passion and dream is. Is it worthwhile for me to be doing, even sacrficing certain things to accomplish that passion? If your dreams and pssion do not justify your actions, the work you put in would really be tedious, strenuous. Commitment must be accompanied by drive. Simply put, a person aiming for an A in Chemistry but hates it to the core, with the mindset of finally burning his syllabus after A levels will definitely have a hard time grinding out results compared to one who may seem extreme in uncovering every fundamentalism of chemistry, ON THE WAY picking up an A for the same test.
On a wider scale, a person wanting to create an economic policy that would herald unprecedented change to how the economies of the world function would have a much worthwhile time picking up theories on the way, knowing it will ultimately allow him to have the capacity to reach his goal. This compared to a guy taking economist because its will ensure he earns lots of money? Seems to speak for itself. The difference? How much more it benefits in satisfying not just the passion that is instilled in you, but the people around you. At least in my opinion 
Trying For the Kids
Kids may be small. Their cerebellum not fully developed, there thinking not yet ripe. However, contrary to how we think they behave (innocent, immature, naive, etc), they are not as simple-minded as we think they are. An immature thought process does not pale in comparison with a mature one. Much more consideration should be put into what they are intending to say, rather the demeaning their response as merely ‘child-talk’.
I confess that I personally am just like every other teacher, sometimes unable to understand the psychology behind their vociferation, immediately concluding that it is their way of seeking attention. However, ever since my inception as a teacher in Sunday school, my views have been altered by their replies.
By listening to their “random, childish thoughts”, I feel that they also are thinking carefully about their replies. When I was teaching about how God created earth, one of my students, Steve, brought out a point which may seem preposterous in nature, but shows that he is thinking.
“Teacher teacher, how come God did not create the ground as one big piece, but instead split them up?”
If we were to dismiss this as another one of ‘their questions’, then we may be underestimating their desire for true knowledge. It is through their ‘paltry experience’ that they have come to and understanding that the world they see now is very different as how the bible describes the creation of the ground. Thus, they conjure up a question to OBTAIN an answer. Do we not do it too? If so, why then do we deem their natural inquisitive nature as ignorable? Sure, the flaws of their questions are really apparent, but it is only obvious to us, growing people who have gone through intensive education to reach a certain level of intelligence. I feel that I should put in more effort to look into satisfying their need for answers instead of shunning from them, just because they sound ridiculous.
Today was the first time I was doing Ling Chang for the kids. I have seen how hard it is to bring children, whose attention spans range from zero to negative (well… not that bad, but you get the picture), to even sit down and listen to you, let alone singing. However, we as teachers cannot give up on their attitude. If they grow up with these types of attitude, then it would only be invidious when they grow up. The reason is simple: If character and abilities develop easiest when they are young, it will also stay with them the longest. Such attitude problems stem from their backgrounds, and this is where it all begins. I cannot just let them continue with their view of how ‘useless’ the combine session is, but rather how much they can bring out of it, in a relaxed, entertaining way that will imbue the message within them to keep their spiritual growth salubrious.
The message I chose: Jesus loves me, Jesus loves you, Jesus loves them. I did not want them to just sing their songs and go to class. Rather than knowing how to sing the song, I want the kids to know that Jesus loves them, ad everyone around them. Sounds too complex for the children? I conform with such a thinking. However, the kids proved me wrong. I was able to deliver my message with clarity by allowing the good guy to die, and having the bad guy to ’steal’ the bible from the hands of the good, only to find out that one truth: Jesus loves me. The reticent remained as they are, the talkative fired away.
“Teacher, why the good guy die?”
“How come the bad guy can live?”
“Teacher, so Jesus also loves bad guys?”
Just the thoughts I have planned to invoke in the minds we deem as not being able to process such ‘complex information’, assuming that they may be not ‘old enough’. Today proved otherwise.
Other than “Teacher, why does he need 3 swords to kill the good guy?”, which I promptly dismissed, all the rest of the questions seemed reasonable, showing their understanding from the low budget act I used as an opening. Such fervent searches for the truth, and yet we belittle their intentions? They deserve equally passionate answers. In the end, such small little efforts on my part (Making song singing a game, the nonsensical acting, the occasional jokes, instead of the ‘let’s sit down to sing and learn the bible’ method) can arouse so much more provocative thoughts and acknowledgments from them, I feel my efforts are ironically undeserving of their attention.
I do not know whether my presentation as a teacher should have been more conservative (requiring them to be disciplined individuals), more organized. However, I am willing to accept these criticisms. My aim is to teach the children, not to show adults I am what they perceive teacher.
Maybe its just all new to me, but I do not feel the need to be strict. Jesus, our lord and Saviour, is my model. Did he not teach with gentleness and kindness? If so, then why should I do otherwise? Lord guide me. Give me the wisdom to be the agent that allows these kids to grow spiritually and properly, so that they can grow up knowing the same unparalleled love ad grace that you shower upon me. My weakness and strengths be used for your glory. Amen
The Dead Computer
How often does a computer come to a state of irrevocable damage? Usually, for any computer on the normalcy, something like that would not happen. It will run itself at a consistent level. as you perambulate through the remaining days of its lifespan, the computer will start to process things slower, an indication of its senescence. However, usually, the computer can still function at a satisfactory level. USUALLY. If you are the patient,frugal type of people that do not really mind using the computer after the annunciation that it is at its nadir, then that computer could probably be your lifetime accessory, albeit its sluggishness during the processing of data.
HOWEVER, I would like to mention that I require my computer to perform at very strict levels. Even the slightly semblance of lag would be signal to be that the computer has lost its ability to complete the tasks I have for it. Now, as it reaches the point when it starts to show signs of corruption, the computer seems to be getting on my nerves.
After a googolplex (highly exaggerated, but you get the idea) of system reformats and driver installation, my analysis of the computer is this: Somewhere deep down in the intricate wiring of silicon coating, something has snapped. Figures. Lucky for me, it still works fine, except that the graphics card is not as fast as it use to be, and neither is the RAM.
After days of accustoming myself to the ‘clandestinely downgraded’ (I didn’t do it. Must have been some sneaky guy) computer, I have gotten over it. At least I still can view blogs, surf the net, talk on MSN, and a few other stuff. Therefore, I’m inclined to see of its remaining days, until the day when the on button only brings about a blue screen.
On a side note, my SAT revisions are going salubriously, and the office people seem to have allowed me to study in the office! Yeah! Also, I found out I got 200 credits to spend at Emart! Yeah! Anyone needs badges, towels, insect repellents, hammocks, pants, socks, powder, cream, thick bottle, even just a light pen. ASK AND YOU WILL RECEIVE. No shoes though. Too expensive to mass purchase, and I still want my 50 packs of powder. Terms and conditions do not apply. Friendship represents your queue number. While auntie’s stocks last.
PS : At 2000 hours on 03/04/2008, Min Min’s blog was down for 15 minutes. It was a sad sad time for the people. Peace out.
