Ying Ta Shou De Bian Shang, Wo De Yi Zhi
Finally, out of the dreaded hospital. Its been a heart wrenching stay this time. Although it was only 4 days, I learnt more that I ever had from the previous time. More emotions, more feelings, more holy intervention. I learnt to trust God in darkness if only to see his glory shine through.
The emotions this time were genuine, not like the previous time when I was not so embedded into church yet. This time, they were people I really loved. To see Min Min cry when she thought I might just leave her broke my heart.
“I dun mind going through it again, as long as I can still see you. I cannot imagine my life without my Wei gor gor…” Her tears drowned my heart in sorrow. Anger pointed arrows at me for not taking care of myself properly, anguish overcame me as I do not know what to say to comfort her. “I’m sorry.” Yes, I really am. Responsibility does not only apply to yourself. It applies to others as well, and what you do to yourself will always hurt those around you, more so if they love you so much more.
The happiness from the people that love you can be felt from miles away the moment you open your eyes, the moment when they know you will not be leaving them anytime soon. I had hope to feel less pain, but that is one of the lessons I have to learn too. I can only praise God that all these are happening to me, not my mom, my dad, my brothers and my sisters. I can only imagine what I would feel to see them on that bed.
The three days after operation were painful. The prayers from your brothers and sisters dun seem to work, the storm is on you. Yet this time my faith did not falter, it only strengthened in the song ‘Praise You in this Storm’. My body had broken, but the spirit is renewed. In Streams of the Desert that day, it said that the shadow that lurks is that of the hand of God, that seeks to make you sharper so that he can place you in his quiver. My weakness becomes his weapons. What more can I ask? Let God shape my future by using my tainted past, so that the people will know that my future is only present because of his presence.
And hey, the hospital was definitely not worth the stay, if not for his angels speaking and teaching to me in some weird language that distracted me from my pain while I was sleeping and them teaching me how to sleep in order to reduce the pain. God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good. Be seeing you all when I recover!
