My Flawed Love (Ammended 10/01/2008)
I said I love them. I said I’d try to give everything I have for them. Well guys, sorry. I have not been really loving you all at all. After the struggles, the prayers, the comments posted, came Gods answer to my struggle. “Your love is so flawed its fake.” Well, he may be right. One chapter to strike down all my claims of love.
1 Corinthians 13:4~8
Test 1:
‘Love is patient’ – I expect people to turn to me. I want people to trust me, I don’t even try to build a true relationship with them, trying my best to do what I think is good for them instead of listening.
God’s answer- its year 2008 after Christ died for us. He’s still waiting for the gospel to be spread to every single person on Earth.
Test 2:
‘It does not envy’- I want be to part of what everyone is talking about, want to be there when they are having fun, feeling isolated, feeling envious about about their love.
God’s answer- Jesus was okay with giving his life to a bunch of people who loved the world more than anything else.
Test 3:
‘it does not boast, it is not proud’- How many times have I told people about what I do for them? Everyday?
God’s answer- Jesus died for us, ‘for God so loved the world’. Everything was done to tell people about his father’s love.
Test 4:
‘it is not self-seeking’- Doing all the things I do for self-gratification, so that I will be loved by all. Be appreciated.
Gods answer- Jesus gave up the glory to come to Earth and save our sorry hinds.
Test 5:
‘it keeps no record of wrongs’- I put the fault and blame on others when I feel troubled or am struggling to find ground. I keep tabs of what I have done for the ones I love, hoping something comes back in return.
God’s answer- ‘Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing’. Jesus said this when he was murdered by the very people he loves.
Test 6:
‘it always protects’- All I’m trying to protect may be myself.
God’s answer- Not only your body. He protects our minds, our souls. He stands right there in between you and Satan. He nailed Jesus there to prevent Satan’s advances.
Test 7:
‘always trusts’- I cannot even trust that people around me love me.
God’s answer- Jesus put his faith in the will of God.
Test 8:
‘(love) always perseveres’- I’m already tired of loving.
God’s answer- How many billions of people are there on earth? He has been listening to everyone. How many years? That would be even before there were dinosaurs. How long more? Eternity.
Test 9:
‘Love never fails’- Mine has fallen.
God’s answer- Jesus was risen.
I claimed I love all of you. LIES. I claimed I’d give it all. FAKE. I finally understand now how much more my love has to be. I’m humbled by the true love that I should be giving. I won’t hide behind the curtain of lies anymore. I’m not good enough. Sorry guys.
I’ll start by passing Test 8. Sorry I let you all down. Will you let me love you all more?
lifeslikethat86 said,
January 9, 2008 at 9:50 pm
This, my brother is called search for perfection. The bible says what LOVE is, and I do not believe God expects us to achieve all those on earth. ONLY God can attain those levels of love, in fact He IS love and that is why he can define love in His own words. It’s like measuring ourselves up to a level beyond ourselves, we’ll only feel weak and tired and useless. Isn’t that what GRACE is about. Grace is giving us what we don’t deserve. Yes we have thornes in our flesh but the only HIS grace is sufficient. We can ONLY love with a flawed love, and that’s ok. Cause we’re human, if we can love like God does then we wun need Him anyway.
I think you’re focusing on the wrong things. You do not share things with me alot, does that mean Tan Di Song is a failure of a brother?!! Haha, no. Because in what I have done, I just let my God created character shine through. So when you don’t share with me should I be feeling my LOVE is fake? Yes, my love is flawed, but it not fake. So is yours. FLAWED BUT NOT FAKE. Fake is when we fake love, have you? Do you PRETEND to love someone? No you havent. You just express your love in other ways. AND yes I wrote those things in my blog before too. I realised something, VERY VERY IMPORTANT.
READ THIS CAREFULLY:
Others feel the same way as you. You are not special in that, so don’t think you are.
We do feel our love is fake sometimes, we want others to come to us but cannot, we blame our own inequities, we feel we cannot measure up. EVERYONE does. Stop thinking you’re the ONLY ONE in the world that struggles with that problem. WE ALL DO.
And once you realise that, you’d realise it’s not DiWei, it’s just sin. The way I think of it is that God created you to shine for Him. So DiWei is perfect goodness created by God, the perfect creator. But Adam’s sins and Satan adds some bad stuff to DiWei. So everything bad comes from our flesh, and sin. AND everything GOOD comes from DiWei. Yes because God created DiWei perfect.
It means:
When you do good – credit to DiWei whom God made, He’s proud of you.
When you do bad – it’s the law of sin within you
You get it? ASK YOURSELF. When you do good have you given yourself enough credit? NO! So that means this – you never give God enough credit. Look at how you’ve help all the exams people. I mean sure, something teaching lets us feel important, and you suspect your intentions. BUT don’t tell me there’s not even a tinge of care for them? And what do you do about it? You CONVIENTLY UNDERPLAY your care and concern, and Satan make you feel ur love is fake. I say NO!
I say do not let Satan get his way. I say look deep and give God credit for creating DiWei. The Holy Spirit convicts Sins but the convictions of the spirit results in positive action, thoughts. When satan tells you you’re lousy the feelings are lousiness and down trodden. So ask yourself, where these feelings are coming from.
And I tell you what. I’m PROUD OF DIWEI. You know why? Because my brother treats people with a genuine attitude, he gives his BEST in what he does. Never 2nd best for those he loves. And he loves to seek God out and draw close to God.
AND NO! YOUR LOVE IS NOT FAKE! YOUR LOVE IS REAL. As real as when you gave up your DS for me. We’re not expected to give God’s brand of love. We’re asked to get closer to it. So yes, lets become more and more loving each day.
Stop blaming yourself, you hurt us in the process. Learn to appreciate yourself, when you do you give God credit for creating you. Enough about perfection, perfection is Satan’s bait. Focus on this instead:
Be joyous ALWAYS, pray CONTINUALLY, give thanks in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES. (1Thessalonians5:16-18)
So instead of thinking about all these thoughts that ur usless and evil. Let me ask you.
Have you been joyous today?
Have you prayed today?
Have you given thanks in ALL circumstances, or at all today?
I feel joyous today because my whole family’s in Christ.
I’ve prayed today for God to give me strength to expand his territory.
I give thanks today, for the God who created heaven and earth is my help! And tho I suck most of the time, throught Him who gives me strength I’m strong.
I love you. Yes, and tho my love is flawed, it isn’t fake.
So isn’t yours.