~*+My Journey Before Heaven+*~

I said I love them. I said I’d try to give everything I have for them. Well guys, sorry. I have not been really loving you all at all. After the struggles, the prayers, the comments posted, came Gods answer to my struggle. “Your love is so flawed its fake.” Well, he may be right. One chapter to strike down all my claims of love.

1 Corinthians 13:4~8

Test 1:

‘Love is patient’ – I expect people to turn to me. I want people to trust me, I don’t even try to build a true relationship with them, trying my best to do what I think is good for them instead of listening.

God’s answer- its year 2008 after Christ died for us. He’s still waiting for the gospel to be spread to every single person on Earth.

Test 2:

‘It does not envy’- I want be to part of what everyone is talking about, want to be there when they are having fun, feeling isolated, feeling envious about about their love.

God’s answer- Jesus was okay with giving his life to a bunch of people who loved the world more than anything else.

Test 3:

‘it does not boast, it is not proud’- How many times have I told people about what I do for them? Everyday?

God’s answer- Jesus died for us, ‘for God so loved the world’. Everything was done to tell people about his father’s love.

Test 4:

‘it is not self-seeking’- Doing all the things I do for self-gratification, so that I will be loved by all. Be appreciated.

Gods answer- Jesus gave up the glory to come to Earth and save our sorry hinds.

Test 5:

‘it keeps no record of wrongs’- I put the fault and blame on others when I feel troubled or am struggling to find ground. I keep tabs of what I have done for the ones I love, hoping something comes back in return.

God’s answer- ‘Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing’. Jesus said this when he was murdered by the very people he loves.

Test 6:

‘it always protects’- All I’m trying to protect may be myself.

God’s answer- Not only your body. He protects our minds, our souls. He stands right there in between you and Satan. He nailed Jesus there to prevent Satan’s advances.

Test 7:

‘always trusts’- I cannot even trust that people around me love me.

God’s answer- Jesus put his faith in the will of God.

Test 8:

‘(love) always perseveres’- I’m already tired of loving.

God’s answer- How many billions of people are there on earth? He has been listening to everyone. How many years? That would be even before there were dinosaurs. How long more? Eternity.

Test 9:

‘Love never fails’- Mine has fallen.

God’s answer- Jesus was risen.

I claimed I love all of you. LIES. I claimed I’d give it all. FAKE. I finally understand now how much more my love has to be. I’m humbled by the true love that I should be giving. I won’t hide behind the curtain of lies anymore. I’m not good enough. Sorry guys.

I’ll start by passing Test 8. Sorry I let you all down. Will you let me love you all more?