Too Weighed Down
I never knew this, but recently, after scanning through tons of blogs (from Wei Jie to my bros, from Min to his bro) I found out something: My blog does not have normal entries, like the day to day stuffs. All I blog about is my experiences and the lessons God has taught me. Maybe its because God has taught me alot. However, I personally feel that here is another reason.
Personally, I think I take too much of a responsibility for everything that happens in and around, holding on to too much. I wonder when this started. Probably since my brain got friedThough I may not look like it, and though my actions and gestures are always those that would probably bring about a few laughter, my thoughts are actually quite overwhelming. For example:
1) “Hey, anyone got any lame jokes?”
in my mind:
So there’s Hong Wei, my bro, Elvin and Min beside me. I shall filter out all jokes which they know first (takes about 5 seconds). Then, filter jokes that I heard from each individual because they will most probably tell the rest (takes another 5 seconds). After that, arrange jokes by most recent to see if there are any more recent jokes which I heard but they have not (1-5 seconds). Recall jokes and prepare to tell if necessary when nobody has got anything, so that they will get a chance to say their joke first.
2) “So what we going to do now?”
In my mind:
The number of people with me is currently x, where x comes from y group of firends (church, school mates, etc). The interest of each individuals are…(takes 5-10 seconds). We are currently at xxx place, nearest places around which we could do activities are…(5-10 seconds). Taking into account of my vehicle and the interest of the people involved, the additional places which activities can take place will be…(5-10 seconds). Thus, arranging in order of most activities that can take place if we went there, the possible options for us to partake is…(1-5 seconds). Thus the amount of money I would and can spend is around $X. Will spend on…
Usually while I think of these stuff, I’ll be talking to the people involved as per normal, so none of them will feel like Di Wei is normal. Many times, I do not even convey my thoughts, as it is not necessary depending on circumstances.
Sometimes the excessive thinking may cause me to stone, but that is okay. The only problem is when it causes me to take hold of responsibilities which I do not need to bare, and then fail to meet up with expectations, or do the wrong thing. Then, I would shoulder the blame because to me, it is obvious I have done wrong.
“Deny yourself, pick up the cross, and follow me.” Maybe that’s what I need to do. I guess I’ll start posting more leisure blog posts more often. It should be a good start 
Apollo
Nope, not the Greek God, and definitely not some intergalactic meteor-powered uranium gas station in the ‘near future’ AD 2145. The name seems to give the concret impression of an all mighty person who has control over his life as well as others. Sweet, but not true.
We are talking about a man who chose to spread his wisdom instead of opting for a chance to deepen his understanding. A man who had talent, knowledge and wisdom that came with it, but was of no use to his fellow people until he turned the corner. This man was a Christian named Apollo. Today I had to sit through the sermon listening to the pastor talk about this one man, and the whole 1 1/2 hours was spent on 3-4 verses about Apollo. however, even with the heavy laden eyelids as an after effect from the previous day’s exuberant and lavish adventures at Sentosa until late at night, I was unbelieveably attentive. There was something about Apollo.
The world has produced many ingenious minds capable pushing scientific boundaries to places beyond what is deemed as science fiction. These people are the pioneers of devastatingly profound inventions, albeit some which are trivial or frivolous in nature materialistically. Apollo was in their category. The bible says in Acts 18:24 that Apollo ‘was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures’ and ’spoke with great fervor’. His birthplace, Alexandria was a city known for its wealth of knowledgeable scholars, and Apollo was within their league. So throughout the sermon, why were the other scholors not mentioned? as with many scientists of modern times, Why do we not talk about them, but talk about scientist like Enstien, Newton, etc over and over again? What made them special must be what made Apollo special.
Apollo was within their league, able to explain and come out with the most comprehensive and accurate explanation of the things he knew, whether be it rebuking an incorrect perspective, etc. He probably could have gone on to become some well-known scholor, inventor, leader. However, that was not what he chose to do. Apollo chose for himself to step into the house of the people who told him his insight to our Father was ‘limited’. Apollo went with them, and within one night grew in strength and faith to the lord, becoming one of the wisest disciple of christianity. If Enstein were to be commented on one of his theories, he’d probably shut them up with the complexity of science and mechanics few have ever been able to claim knowledge of. Apollo had this stash, but he chose not to use it. Instead, he went to listen more about our God. If he never did, his knowledge might have been apt, his wisdom overflowing, his knowledge in the truth, the way and the life would not have been the same. He flows of knowledge and wisdom, but it may not have been the truth.
Apollo has taught me some lessons which pertains to people of our generation, one of them stands out:
Listen to those who are willing to comment on you. It is easy to shun away from advice, especially from people deemed ‘less smart’, people of ‘lesser status’, or even older generations who don’t seem to understand that the world is moving. But these people are the very people that have walked miles before you even learnt to walk. These are the people that experienced things before you even opened your eyes. 20 years of ‘generation gap’ is actually 20 year of culminating knowledge to be had. Besides, God can use anyone to speak to you. There was once I felt the church was so far away from me, the people not within my grasp, that I was not part of the church. When I felt so low that I was even considering leaving, one of the kids came over, asking why I ’don’t wanna play’.
“Cause nobody wants to play with me?”
He hesitated. Then, he replied, “I’m here! Let’s play!”
If God can use Pilate to write on the signboard that Jesus IS the King of Jeruselum, AND use it to save a thief, let us listen more. Then we shall hear his will, the way, the truth, the life. If the lost, hungry and thristy cannot find where the river of life is by sight, they listen out for the flow of the river.
Lesson In The Rain
With the rain thumping mercilessly from above, it made me wonder whether I could reach home without becoming wet that day. True to my predictions, I reached home partially soaked thanks to the umbrella my friend decided to part ways with. However, it wasn’t the rain that left me feeling down and out that day.
When I reached the bus stop outside my house, it was pouring. Thanks to my friends umbrella, I was given a doorway to home. However, someone who alighted from the same bus did not. Not that I do not know him: He’s been taking the same bus as me ever since I moved over to Lentor Crescent, and alights at the same stop as me. That day, I saw him searching his bag for the only possible shield from the rainy season, but apparently he left it standing somewhere in the comforts of his home. There I was thinking of sharing my umbrella with him.
Hmmm… the rain doesn’t look like it’ll stop anytime before stars appear. Why don’t I fetch him to his house?
Nah. This umbrella is practically too small. My bag with all its gadgets will get wet, and I’ll have half my body dipped in cold water. I know I really wanna help him. Why not I walk home first? If it is still raining, maybe after I bath and change into clean clothes, I’ll go help him.
And so I went home, leaving the poor guy there gazing up ino the stormy clouds pondering whether he’ll get his chance to sprint to shelter. As I walked home, a the spirit was doing its job inside me. How could I just leave that dude there? I definitely can help him. Even if the umbrella is small. The whispers of the heart was overshadowed by the pursuit of comfort. I hurriedly home to prevent further advancement from the H2O army ascending from my shoes up.
After I got changed into comfortable DRY clothes, I suddenly remebered the guy at the bus stop. With the rain still tapping ceaselessly on my window panes, I decided that maybe I can go help him out. I’ll drive over to the bus stop and fetch him home. That way, I wouldn’t need to become wet and he can reach home without needing to fight with the incoming invasion from above. So I happily entered my car all dressed up ready to become the angel of the day. So I thought.
As I approach the bus stop where I last saw him, I saw the guy running without cover. He was running back home with no protection. And just like that he was gone, left to face the rain home alone. I remember this scene perfectly when I had to run home after training in the rain. It does not feel good.
Why did I not change quickly? I could have walked home faster to drive my car out. Why did I not just send him home with the small umbrella? Getting a little more wet wouldn’t have harmed me that much. I was going to bathe anyway.
That day I was left sulking at home due to this incident. Initially I was suppose to go to Wei Jie’s Father’s shop to deal with the Ling Xiu materials. However, Wei Jie’s friend got into an accident and he Immediately went to visit him, so he couldn’t help me with the materials.
God taught me something very valuable today: Never wait to take an action if it is something taht should done. I was clouded by my own desire for comfort that I failed to realise that the opportunity was there for that instance. I could have shown him what christians are like, or tell him about my God on the way to his house. In the end, all I saw was his back running away to find cover. Why must I wait until I and all ‘rich and well-fed’ before I can help someone ‘less fortunate’? Who says I can’t help someone when while I’m suffering? Me. I deemed it so.
Many times we keep telling ourselves we aren’t good enough, knowledgeable enough to spread the gospel yet. We aren’t ‘ready’. But the chance of spreading the gospel don’t come everyday. Too often does it come when I’m not ‘ready’. Everytime I let it slip, hoping for another chance when I’m more prepared. But what if it does not come. What if suddenly my grandmother dies without hearing the gospel? She has not even been given the chance to get to know my God. When I’m finally ‘ready’, she might not even be there anymore. I finally understood why Paul was running around the world to tell as many people as he can about God. I understand now why Paul told everyone he met about his God. If hellfire and brimestone is all that awaits those that do not believe in Jesus and God, then Paul wanted to let everyone have a chance to save themselves by letting them know the truth. He had to bleed to tell them about God. Why? Cause he knew that he may be the only Christian that would cross paths with the person, and is capable of helping the person obtain salvation by getting him to know Jesus; that if Wei Jie’s friend were to pass on because of his accident (touchwood), then he would have have only one last chance to preach the gospel to him when he went to the hospital, which he chose to do.
I’m still not good enough to preach the gospel, and may never be good enough. However, my God is definitely worthy of their praise. On the way back to his embrace, I’ll probably miss more chances to bring people to our Father, but I hope that this realisation can allow me to pick up some people on the journey with me along the way. It doesn’t have to be pretty, his conversion doesn’t have to be grand. Jesus’ coming wasn’t that grand at all. He was born in a manger. But it doesn’t matter, as long as it saves lives, especially those close to you.
