Too Weighed Down
I never knew this, but recently, after scanning through tons of blogs (from Wei Jie to my bros, from Min to his bro) I found out something: My blog does not have normal entries, like the day to day stuffs. All I blog about is my experiences and the lessons God has taught me. Maybe its because God has taught me alot. However, I personally feel that here is another reason.
Personally, I think I take too much of a responsibility for everything that happens in and around, holding on to too much. I wonder when this started. Probably since my brain got friedThough I may not look like it, and though my actions and gestures are always those that would probably bring about a few laughter, my thoughts are actually quite overwhelming. For example:
1) “Hey, anyone got any lame jokes?”
in my mind:
So there’s Hong Wei, my bro, Elvin and Min beside me. I shall filter out all jokes which they know first (takes about 5 seconds). Then, filter jokes that I heard from each individual because they will most probably tell the rest (takes another 5 seconds). After that, arrange jokes by most recent to see if there are any more recent jokes which I heard but they have not (1-5 seconds). Recall jokes and prepare to tell if necessary when nobody has got anything, so that they will get a chance to say their joke first.
2) “So what we going to do now?”
In my mind:
The number of people with me is currently x, where x comes from y group of firends (church, school mates, etc). The interest of each individuals are…(takes 5-10 seconds). We are currently at xxx place, nearest places around which we could do activities are…(5-10 seconds). Taking into account of my vehicle and the interest of the people involved, the additional places which activities can take place will be…(5-10 seconds). Thus, arranging in order of most activities that can take place if we went there, the possible options for us to partake is…(1-5 seconds). Thus the amount of money I would and can spend is around $X. Will spend on…
Usually while I think of these stuff, I’ll be talking to the people involved as per normal, so none of them will feel like Di Wei is normal. Many times, I do not even convey my thoughts, as it is not necessary depending on circumstances.
Sometimes the excessive thinking may cause me to stone, but that is okay. The only problem is when it causes me to take hold of responsibilities which I do not need to bare, and then fail to meet up with expectations, or do the wrong thing. Then, I would shoulder the blame because to me, it is obvious I have done wrong.
“Deny yourself, pick up the cross, and follow me.” Maybe that’s what I need to do. I guess I’ll start posting more leisure blog posts more often. It should be a good start 
