Darkness Falls…
Guilt. Sorrow. Anger. Depression. And when all these thought hit you head on, it is so easy to succum and crack. How does a man face God when he himself knows the things he has done? Even if God forgives, it is only human nature that he is ashamed. Who will not? Are we then suppose to just let go of what we have done?
Your conscious is very much like the holy spirit, even though it is different. The holy spirit will lead you on the righteous path. The conscious condemns your every wrong. It haunts and lingers. It comes at you like hifi stereo when you yourself acknowledge the darkness in it, but still commits the sin. Then you wonder what God would do. Will he punish you? He has the power to. Fear leaps the boundaries into terror. Terror leads to oblivion.
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror. So now I am a Christian. Do I really look different? Do I really act different? What comes out of the sins I continue to commit? I only look more evil than ever. It could be perception doing its dirty job, but to a certain extent I am inclined to think that it is still a fact. A fact that I have failed to abide his law, failed to hold onto his word, failed to do his will, failed to worship him. Why then have I chosen him if I still walk in darkness? Every night such thoughts consume my soul, stabbing it with all the guilt and shame. Every stab causes my heart to bleed darkness, the sins flow out like mountain water. Guess what? I like it. The pureness of darkness, of sin. How wonderfully wrong. Is this how Satan tempts us? No wonder I lose to him. Might as well commit myself to him. Last Sunday I was ill and could not attend church, but I liked the feeling. The feeling of being able to use to time at my leisure, even though all I did was sleep.
God seems to always hit me with a hammer at the correct moment. It is as the bible says, he who is willing to come back to him will be watched over and protected, and he will keep us in his warm embrace. The embrace which tells you that you were made to love, and to be loved by God. The embrace that makes you forget your sins because ‘your sins I will remember no more’. How God is able to forgive us, God knows. But I do not want to saty this way. I want to step put there to fight his battles. I want to win his battles for him. How am I to do it if I continue to hold on the the evil he fights? How am I to serve?
I fear that one day I might just leave God for the world. It is just something I might do, considering how I lived my life. All that is keeping me from that is God himself. And so, as darkness falls on me and my shield and sword be ‘only’ my God, I will not have it any other way. If not for him, I would be the darkness fighting his children. But what if… I go back…
These are true thoughts. The potential of a self-destruction is there for all to see. I pray that that does not come to pass. I need him to hold onto me more than ever, and hope that one day I will, not have an experience like Saul had with God at Damascus, but see the one true God Saul came to know at Damascus. The God that changed his life. Please, change mine too.
The Foundation of The Church
Parallels can be found in the construction of the church of Christ to the construction of a building in the bible itself. The construction of a building is systematic and pinpoint, the materials and amount used calculated specfic to the smallest decimals, such that the building would be at its optimal condition once done. Should the same not be for our church? Let’s examine this case study.
In the construction of any building, the initial stage is by far the longest, most important stage of the construction. It may seem like nothing, shapeless and in ruins. However, the piling of the pillars used as the support for the building itself cannot be forgone. Such is the importance of the pillars that any error which occurs from this initial stage would definitely have lasting consequences on the building itself. In worse cases, the building might collapse. These errors are often hard to eradicate, taking major restorations to be able to ensure its elimination, which negatively affects both cost and time. As such, engineers would rather see to it that the initial stage is as close to ideal as possible. The same can be said of our church. The bible states that the foundations of a church is the words of God himself, and, similar to construction, the church would be built in accordance to the foundations laid. Any error in laying the foundation would cause problems within the church. This error is the straying from the truth of God. Therefore, we must ensure that our foundations are well laid, not on sand, but on our solid rock, which is our everlasting God, who does not erode away like soil, nor get washed away like sand. When we build our church on the foundations God provides, it is solid, and such a foundation would eventually aid in the construction of the church. Why? Because we will not have to worry amount external factors coming in to shake our foundation. However, if we built our plans around a foundation of soil and sand, then when it shifts, so will our plans. A plan put into the hands of God will be made perfect by his strength and grace he provides. Therefore, let the foundation of our church be his words, not our interpretation, nor our own. Let us build our church around his single commandment: love one another as I have loved you.
Materials made to build the church after the foundation is laid is also important. The big bad wolf could blow down a house of straw and hay, but not a house made from bricks. As such, the material used must be able to withstand the test of time and nature. As a church, our materials are provided by God: he has told us how to go about building and expanding his churches, what we need. God has given a concrete plan, that Jesus is the head, that we would set pastors, deacons, elders in each church. This is the concrete given by God to us. However, if will were to use our own materials to build a church, it would be the same as using straw and hay. Such materials are incompatible as construction materials for the church, and when a fire burns, only the sturdy concrete provided by God will be unscathed, together with the people inside it.
Every buidling has its own purpose. Warehouses are used to store excess or new goods for sales. Offices are equipped with computers and telephones to provide adequate communication methods to the people working so they can get their job done. House for families to live in must have toilets and bedrooms, accompanied by at least a kitchen. Similarly, our blueprint must be clear. Our goal and purpose of the church must be like crystal before we construct. What is the use of a church if all it has are storerooms and kitchens? We must construct according to the needs due to the purpose of the church. It needs a hall for prayers. It needs rooms for Sunday class. It needs instruments for worship.
I lift my church up to God. If it is not as I have stated above, may God be the engineer that will change what it is now to what it should be. May it be the refuge for souls in need of salvation, the joy to all who come to worship the lord, the lighthouse that guide those around in the darkness to the light, and the fortess which God would use as base to win his war in this world. May God be its intelligent designer, for his plans do not fail. Amen.
