~*+My Journey Before Heaven+*~

Its been 1 year since I’ve become a christian, and looking back at this sureal odyssey and everything that God has done in my life, I cannot help but marvel at his glory, his love, his faith in someone like me. My life has taken many drastic changes since that fateful day on October when God received me back into his arms, and my life has been lead by his grace every since. Many things that I could never have accomplished since birth were done in just one year with my heavenly father. The things deemed impossible for me alone to do were still impossible for me to accomplished, but these were accomplished through his power and grace.

Pheumothorax, or lung burst. This was one of the mos painful things I had to go through, not just physically and financially, but mentally. This was a period of time when I kept telling myself I had to be strong, but all the vunerabilities were exposed by Satan himself. But the 2 weeks in the hospital was enough for me to put my faith in my saviour Jesus for the rest of my life. In 2 weeks I found out the amount of love that surrounds me. There I was always thinking that nobody ever cared for me, like I was a catalyst in other people’s relationships, a passerby, a process. Never would I have thought that I would wake up seeing my brothers, my mother, even my father, sleeping at the couch near my bed, coming to see me early in the morning, around 6-7am. So much for being a loner. The love that the lord has prepared for me does not stop there. Strangers from church come pouring in everday to check on my condition, people I have known for merely 2 months visit me bringing me my favourite fruits. I kept a straight face in front of everyone, but deep down inside me tears were drowning my soul.  Was I this loved? Even more appalling was the duo combination of the Toh family. The brother, Stephen came 1 day less than his sister. His sister, Min Mei, came everyday. Min Min came to visit so much the nurses were spreading conspicuous rumors that she was my girlfriend, and I had to go through half an hour of explanation at lunch time when the nurse ask why my ‘girlfriend’ has not arrived yet. Their mother came to visit me not even knowing who I was. Was I this loved? But more than anything else throughtout my 14 days journey through hellfire and brimestone, Jesus Christ was there with me, teaching me, telling me to hold on the him, telling me I will be saved. A friend that I was able to talk to 24/7 about anything in the world, and he would still listen. For a person that could at that time give materialistically nothing to him, he asked,” Son, what can I do for you?”

“When was I this loved?”

“Before you were born son.”

An operation that taught me to trust God in everything I would do. But that is not the end of the story. After the right lung was operated on and completely healed, I received another shocking news a few moths later: my left-lung bursted. The hole was the same size as the previous one, and air has started to leak out. I went through the same emergency procedures before I was discharged. This time however, was totally different. This time, there was faith in a God that could do the impossible, this time there was peace. This time there was belief in a God that no matter what happens to me, he will protect me and be my shelter. But more than all these my Shi Mu from church taught me that this is a living God that has the power and mercy of healing, that he is my healer. She taught me to pray for recovery, pray for salvation, pray for forgiveness for the strains I have put on my body. Pray the the God that is the healer. And through prayer, the same critical situation that occurred to my right lung was healed. No surgery, no medicine, no hospitalisation. Nothing. Nothing I could give him in return for healing me, nothing he wanted more than me coming back to him again.

‘You are the God, that Healeth me, you are the God, my saviour. You came to earth, and you healed my disease, you are the God, my healer.’

My father was a non-believer until recently. I was never close to him, only talking to him when I needed my allowance or his signature, somewhere along that line. He was an authority I was afraid of, that I thought I can do without. But during the period after my operation I found out how much I am loved by him. That from the busiest of schedules he would still find time to eat with us, that he would sacrifice his health to appease cilents to make money, only so he could provide the best of us. That he would hold on to guilt and shame and participate in the construction of a casino sure to strip people of their life savings, but still participate so the best can come to us. How much wind and rain he has to take, how much stress. So much that my mother came and told me all about it, and she broke down in tears, not wanting to see my Father in such a state. Yet, throughout my life I have done nothing at all to help him, nothing to tell him I loved him, nothing to even acknowledge that he is my Father. To all the defiance I have shown him, I only get his love in return. At this time my dad was the only non-believer in my household. So I made this prayer to God:

‘Father in heaven, the God who saved my life, the lord who healed me and love me so. Is my father not one of your children too? I desire his presence in heaven, and so do the rest of my family I am sure. Therefore lord help me. Make my Father yours. I know I cannot do it, I never will be able to. But mighty is your strength and great is thy faithfulness, that he who believes in you he AND his family shall be saved. I put my trust in your words. Help me save my father. In Jesus’ name I praise, Amen.’

This prayer I made everyday, at dawn, during breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before I sleep. I prayed everyday, crying out to the only one I know who can save my Father from all the pain he is facing. Every prayer I made was made in tears, knowing that at the same time my dad is slugging out with his company to provide me with the best through his sacrifices. In my whole life I have never spoken to him, and yet from the day I started praying, I would sms my dad, asking him about his health, whether he has eaten, how is he doing. Messages I have never even sent to anyone else before. A few weeks down my brother came to me telling me how happy my dad was looking when he told him I would be late from work as I was having dinner with my friends. I went back into my room to pray in tears again. I never would have thought that small actions with God’s grace meant so much. Now my whole family including my Father are christians, and my Father has never seemed more happy since he became a christian. This happened because of prayer. But not just that. I found out that my brother, before I was even a christian, Stuck a family picture on the church board and wrote a prayer to God, that his whole family would come back to him. And God answered his prayer through me, a member of the family most rebellious, with the most problems and furthest away from the whole family. Thank you brother for sticking that picture on the wall to give us the greatest gift of all. All the glory I raise to God.

1 year is all it takes if God wants to change your life. You may say that you have tried for so many years, but cannot break away from your habits. You are born this way, and even if you try to change the people around you will not change their impression about you. You may say you are just too small, too weak to defeat your demons, your giants. That is because you have been doing it on your own, and you ARE weak. But God is perfect in weakness, and he can change your life. But why did he, a God that can create miracles, create someone so weak, so vunerable, so small? To show you and the world how great he is. Tell him you accept him, you accept his will, you want to change, to be saved. He will do the rest for you. For starters, Jesus has already died on the cross FOR YOU. Amen.