Casting Crowns- Praise You in This Storm
I was sure by now,
God you would have reached down,
And wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day,
but once again, I say, “Amen.”,
and its still raining.
As the thunder rolls,
I barely hear you whisper through the rain,
“I’m with you.”
And as your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives,
And takes away.
Chorus:
And I praise you in this storm,
and I will lift my hands,
for you are who you are,
no matter where I am,
and every tear I cry,
you hold in your hand,
you never left my side,
and though my heart is torn,
I will praise you in this storm.
This was a songs written by Casting Crowns about a young girl, Erin, who suffers from cancerous tumorS THROUGHOUT HER LUNGS. The band went through all this with the girl, seeing her suffer from her condition, her struggle with her faith as well as theirs, and in the end, the girl died from her condition. And This was the song which the band came up with after seeing her suffer.
Bridge:
I lift my eyes into the hills,
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the lord,
the maker of heaven and earth.
We praise him when we win, and we praise him when we lose. You give and take away. Amen.
More Reflections, Thanks and Testimony
God himself blesses those that believe in him abundantly. Not just me, but everyone else around me, everyone who believes. God would use everyone that comes before him so they may know that he is the one and only true God, the truth, the way, the light. My life took its greatest change yet, due in part to God’s grace, but also the people around me that has influenced me during this first year in Christ. These people enlightened me about what being a christian is really all about. These were the people that stuck with me even through the toughest times, knowing that I may not be able to provide them anything in return. To these people I give the most sincerest of thanks for being there for me, with me, beside me. I would also wish to apologise to these same people, knowing full well the amount of sadness, disappointment and hurt I have caused them.
I really have to thank God, who in all ways have blessed my life in all aspects, to all the minor details, but also thank him for putting in my life two brothers with whom I experienced the ups and downs of my life with. My younger brother, not one to involve himself in all the grand stuff, goes through his life helping the people around him, abeit all the minor things that people do not notice. My older brother, a person who goes out of his ways to help me in all the aspects of my life. He was there when I was messing around, he was there when I fell hardest. These two brothers are the people that took the most backlash from me, but endured these wounds and stayed close to me just because I was their brother. I love both of you, Boi Gorr, Jie Ah.
My two parents, my twin tower of protection, the guardians of my life before and after believing in christ. These two people took everything I throw at them, the good, the bad, the ugly. They had to see the worst side of me, and face the continuous disappointment which my procrastinating self and rebellious nature brought them again and again, and still loved me from their hearts. I owe these two a trip to hell, but can’t make it cause I’ll be going to heaven 
. Love you mom and dad.
Wong Wei Jie. Clumsy, insaneously hilarious in his warped thinking and actions, the warmth of a dove, the drive of a Spartan. The first person that came and talked to me when I went to AGPC for the first time, and now my buddy, accomplice in the weirdest and lamest happenings in church. This guy taught me what being christian is all about. Being yourself the way God created you, and giving everything you have for God. This person prayed for me when I needed it, stood by my side when I was going through a torrent time, vice versa. A true friend that would not shun away just because I look to be in the gloomiest of moods. More importantly, he is one of two people that is not afraid to point out my wrong-doings to me if he sees one. One of the grestest help while I was trying to become christ-like. I love you, Ryan.
Toh Hong Wei. Gifted musician, geek through and through (not like I’m any different from him though 
). My first impressions of him was that of a cool, hair sweeping silent winter wolf, a person that was not very open to the people in the church. I was the same as him too, but this guy grew together with me. We went through many common struggles together, and through all these we got to know each other better. This is the flow chart of my greetings to him:
Hi -> Yoh -> Yoh Hong Wei -> Sup -> Yoh Stephen -> Yoh Dude -> Just start a conversation
This chart shows it all. I think. Besides all this, this person helped me in the musical aspect of my life, and when I was struggling to praise God with the music he desires, he seems to always be there to give his comments. More importantly, he took the effort to practise the same song to see what I was going through. Sorry the only things I gave you so far are laughter, a bunch of hang arounds in a few places, and stomachache, bad appetite and vomiting when you came to visit me while I was still in the hospital (You get my drift). Peace and love, Xiao Hong.
Toh Min Min, sister to Stephen, Joy of the world (She doesn’t like people going ‘joy to the world’). My sunshine when I’m down, she seems to have the ability to make people smile, or feel moody just by looking at her. People around her seems more than happy when she’s around, although they can also feel a bit moody too when Cranky Min version 2.4 beta appears. Probably out of everyone else I knew, she was the one person that made me believe in Christ, and when I believed she was the one that taught and showed me Christ. My first trip to AGPC allowed me my first contact with this incredible personality. She was prouncing around church, smiling, talking to everyone, distributing a new leash of life to those around her. Her “hello! I’m Min Min, most people call me Min.” was the simplest of greetings, yet the sweetest, most sincere. She was the person that got me thinking: Is this what God can do for mde? Can I be like that too? Throughout my life I have been on the dark side, seemingly choosing to be a loner. However, deep down within lies a yearning to be able to open up like her, to greet people and bring joy to those I treasure. For me, it was Peter the forgiven, coupled with this perfectly human girl who lived with God in her life that made me reach out my hands to the light. Ask Li Mei Zhang Lao. I paused for about half an hour thinking of this before I told her I am willing to give Christ a shot, a decision I will never regret. Min taught me how to love, for she was the one who visited me everyday since I was hospitalised, the one person who wasted her brain with me watching 5 coloured aliens bouncing around in the google box. This was a girl that came everyday to annoy me with her prouncing around and “errr I want the mushroom omelette!”, and put a smile on me with her ever changing, warped mathematical fomulaes which tend to perform magic -_-”. Most of all, she made me want to hit her so hard because so was sick and fainted in school, but still came over to the hospital to visit me. She made me explain for half an hour to the nurses that the ” You’ve got a really sweet girlfriend le, so caring.” girl that they were referring to was actually not my girlfriend, but a sister in Christ whom I know for only 2 months, from which I got a reply,” Sure or not? You all relationship fly so fast wan? Haha… kids these days!” She was right to a certain extent. If Min did not know, that night I cried. Never have I thought in a billion years would someone be able to care for another person so much even though they are not close yet. But God put her in my life and showed what his love is all about, and that night I told God that I accept his love, and will spread his love to all those around me. She showed me the love that God has provided for her, and taught me to love. Love you too, Min Mei. Will cook you mushroom omelette someday when I finally figure out how to make it taste good. So far, it only taste like eggs.
‘Dear heavenly Father, these people have been in my life and brought me closer to you. These people have showed me and testified in your name, as I will testify in your name because of them. They are your children, you sheep that listens, that lives by your teaching and bring all the glory back to you. Heavenly father, teach me to love them as you have loved them, and let not my personal things hinder my love for them. Let me be not like the Dead Sea, but for everything I take I give away even more in your name. Blessed are these people who follow in your guidance lord, bless them as you had the descendants of Abraham and Israel. Inspire me to live my life not for myself, but for you and these people. For you have commanded that the greatest of all is love, so shall I love those aroung me to testify that what you say is true. Guide me onwards to claim my right as your son. All this in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.’
Reflection, Thanks, Testimony
Its been 1 year since I’ve become a christian, and looking back at this sureal odyssey and everything that God has done in my life, I cannot help but marvel at his glory, his love, his faith in someone like me. My life has taken many drastic changes since that fateful day on October when God received me back into his arms, and my life has been lead by his grace every since. Many things that I could never have accomplished since birth were done in just one year with my heavenly father. The things deemed impossible for me alone to do were still impossible for me to accomplished, but these were accomplished through his power and grace.
Pheumothorax, or lung burst. This was one of the mos painful things I had to go through, not just physically and financially, but mentally. This was a period of time when I kept telling myself I had to be strong, but all the vunerabilities were exposed by Satan himself. But the 2 weeks in the hospital was enough for me to put my faith in my saviour Jesus for the rest of my life. In 2 weeks I found out the amount of love that surrounds me. There I was always thinking that nobody ever cared for me, like I was a catalyst in other people’s relationships, a passerby, a process. Never would I have thought that I would wake up seeing my brothers, my mother, even my father, sleeping at the couch near my bed, coming to see me early in the morning, around 6-7am. So much for being a loner. The love that the lord has prepared for me does not stop there. Strangers from church come pouring in everday to check on my condition, people I have known for merely 2 months visit me bringing me my favourite fruits. I kept a straight face in front of everyone, but deep down inside me tears were drowning my soul. Was I this loved? Even more appalling was the duo combination of the Toh family. The brother, Stephen came 1 day less than his sister. His sister, Min Mei, came everyday. Min Min came to visit so much the nurses were spreading conspicuous rumors that she was my girlfriend, and I had to go through half an hour of explanation at lunch time when the nurse ask why my ‘girlfriend’ has not arrived yet. Their mother came to visit me not even knowing who I was. Was I this loved? But more than anything else throughtout my 14 days journey through hellfire and brimestone, Jesus Christ was there with me, teaching me, telling me to hold on the him, telling me I will be saved. A friend that I was able to talk to 24/7 about anything in the world, and he would still listen. For a person that could at that time give materialistically nothing to him, he asked,” Son, what can I do for you?”
“When was I this loved?”
“Before you were born son.”
An operation that taught me to trust God in everything I would do. But that is not the end of the story. After the right lung was operated on and completely healed, I received another shocking news a few moths later: my left-lung bursted. The hole was the same size as the previous one, and air has started to leak out. I went through the same emergency procedures before I was discharged. This time however, was totally different. This time, there was faith in a God that could do the impossible, this time there was peace. This time there was belief in a God that no matter what happens to me, he will protect me and be my shelter. But more than all these my Shi Mu from church taught me that this is a living God that has the power and mercy of healing, that he is my healer. She taught me to pray for recovery, pray for salvation, pray for forgiveness for the strains I have put on my body. Pray the the God that is the healer. And through prayer, the same critical situation that occurred to my right lung was healed. No surgery, no medicine, no hospitalisation. Nothing. Nothing I could give him in return for healing me, nothing he wanted more than me coming back to him again.
‘You are the God, that Healeth me, you are the God, my saviour. You came to earth, and you healed my disease, you are the God, my healer.’
My father was a non-believer until recently. I was never close to him, only talking to him when I needed my allowance or his signature, somewhere along that line. He was an authority I was afraid of, that I thought I can do without. But during the period after my operation I found out how much I am loved by him. That from the busiest of schedules he would still find time to eat with us, that he would sacrifice his health to appease cilents to make money, only so he could provide the best of us. That he would hold on to guilt and shame and participate in the construction of a casino sure to strip people of their life savings, but still participate so the best can come to us. How much wind and rain he has to take, how much stress. So much that my mother came and told me all about it, and she broke down in tears, not wanting to see my Father in such a state. Yet, throughout my life I have done nothing at all to help him, nothing to tell him I loved him, nothing to even acknowledge that he is my Father. To all the defiance I have shown him, I only get his love in return. At this time my dad was the only non-believer in my household. So I made this prayer to God:
‘Father in heaven, the God who saved my life, the lord who healed me and love me so. Is my father not one of your children too? I desire his presence in heaven, and so do the rest of my family I am sure. Therefore lord help me. Make my Father yours. I know I cannot do it, I never will be able to. But mighty is your strength and great is thy faithfulness, that he who believes in you he AND his family shall be saved. I put my trust in your words. Help me save my father. In Jesus’ name I praise, Amen.’
This prayer I made everyday, at dawn, during breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before I sleep. I prayed everyday, crying out to the only one I know who can save my Father from all the pain he is facing. Every prayer I made was made in tears, knowing that at the same time my dad is slugging out with his company to provide me with the best through his sacrifices. In my whole life I have never spoken to him, and yet from the day I started praying, I would sms my dad, asking him about his health, whether he has eaten, how is he doing. Messages I have never even sent to anyone else before. A few weeks down my brother came to me telling me how happy my dad was looking when he told him I would be late from work as I was having dinner with my friends. I went back into my room to pray in tears again. I never would have thought that small actions with God’s grace meant so much. Now my whole family including my Father are christians, and my Father has never seemed more happy since he became a christian. This happened because of prayer. But not just that. I found out that my brother, before I was even a christian, Stuck a family picture on the church board and wrote a prayer to God, that his whole family would come back to him. And God answered his prayer through me, a member of the family most rebellious, with the most problems and furthest away from the whole family. Thank you brother for sticking that picture on the wall to give us the greatest gift of all. All the glory I raise to God.
1 year is all it takes if God wants to change your life. You may say that you have tried for so many years, but cannot break away from your habits. You are born this way, and even if you try to change the people around you will not change their impression about you. You may say you are just too small, too weak to defeat your demons, your giants. That is because you have been doing it on your own, and you ARE weak. But God is perfect in weakness, and he can change your life. But why did he, a God that can create miracles, create someone so weak, so vunerable, so small? To show you and the world how great he is. Tell him you accept him, you accept his will, you want to change, to be saved. He will do the rest for you. For starters, Jesus has already died on the cross FOR YOU. Amen.
The Dreaded Economics
Just days ago I was elated to find out that the JC1 students at our church all seemed to have passed Economics (at least a borderline). Ezra passed with an E (Seems like crash course worked :p), and although Min seemed disappointed with a E due to her final year papers, I was satisfied knowing that all of them made the cut. Why? Cause Economics isn’t a stroll in the park. Its not a subject which you can score just by diligently memorizing the mechanics of the subject, nor is it possible to ace it with flair and fluff but no substance. To many people, it is a subject worth burning the notes once the A levels were over -_-”‘, to some the subject itself is an illogical and complex look at the world’s simplest things. To a rare few, its magic. I happen to fall into the later.
My teacher once told me that economics is common sense. Typical example: two coffee shop uncles discussing amount the rise of the minimum bet for Singapore Pools. Deep down in the bottom of my heart , I acknowledge that what she said made some sense. However, I do not think that it is the true reflection of economics, because that does not sound at all awe-inspiring. A taste of the beauty of economics can be felt when one looks deeper into the reason behind the company’s actions, the cause and effect, the accounting of the company’s new revenue due to it actions, and, treating this rise as a policy for profit maximizing, see that the course of the company was correct or wrong. What are the social, financial or political implications of this rise? In terms of the consumers, producers, the company or the industry as a whole? Would this rise cause the expansion of its black market (illegal betting, bookies), interventions from external sources? Would a small decision like this affect the whole nation’s micro or macro economical goals? Even the most discrete movement within an economy can at any period of time form an anomaly on any graph. The thought is amazing. The link is incredible, the explanation astounding, the subject oh so magical. I for one would not mind speaking to someone else about economics. I have spent countless hours staring at great discount signs trying to figure out the elasticity of each good and seeing whether such actions benefit existing parties (consumer or producer), ogling at Adam Smith’s theories and stopping on the road looking at economics working its magic in the various shopping centers in Singapore.
In Cambridge examination terms, however dead and mundane the subject can get due to the repetitive use of similar topics, economics is still surprisingly fun, as it requires a certain amount of astuteness to be able to explain any point of view to an examiner who acts like a 12 year old child. I for one, feel my adrenaline pumping when I learn new topics every economics lesson, and writing a whole chunk of simplistic reasoning behind each point made in preparation for my A levels, and fail to comprehend the people struggling to keep awake during the lectures (though sometimes I empathize with them, knowing full well the ability of certain lecturers). However, the method in which the economics paper should be tackled, although having improved since its primitive and humble beginnings, is still very structured. Looking at the requirements to fulfill and writing in terms of these requirements stripes economics of one of its rudimentary mechanics which the subject is bound to: interaction. Instead of needing to tediously explain graphs, theories, policies, economics is most exciting when two or more people with prior knowledge talk about a certain movement in today’s ever changing society and trade views about its implicit or explicit implications. The spectrum of views can vary depending on which theories each individual is has affinity to. Beautiful. Magnificent. Marvelous. To geeks, it should be the same as the new 16 by 16 Rubix’s Cube. To Game Maniacs it should be the same euphoria when playing a challenging console game released just 1 1/2 hours ago (time taken to queue, buy and speed home to play). To Otakus, it is the same feeling as obtaining a limited edition hand-signed copy of the newest whatever. To nerds, its like the discovery of a new part of science. If you do not find that economics provide you with the above mentioned feelings, consult your nearest doctor, or just spend 24 hours writing out the pros and cons, structures, and findings the profit and revenue graphs of 24/7 shops in Singapore to see the beauty of such a decision. I personally did that with Breadtalk
Economics is a work of art, oblivious to the naked eye, but blinds those who puts in a little effort to snuff out its existence in this galaxy. Thank God there is economics.
My Room
So, its been 2 weeks since my migration to this semi-detach at Lentor, and I am sluggishly getting used to the walking and the feel of the house. Not that I need to get myself adequately acquainted with this house since I would be moving next year, but I seem to especially like my room, for instance. (Those of you who have been over to my house should know why a techno geek such as myself would actually like my room 
)
I currently own a PSP, NDS, PS2, PS, Dreamcast, Sega System, Famicon, and for my PS2, I have guitar heroes and a guitar controller to play guitar games! I got the And Mo Kio hub game seller to order guitar freaks V3 for me. Sweet. Whats more, my room is more spacious than the old one. Can I ask for more? Sure! My room is now equipped with a desktop and a TV for gaming to booth. Now that is my ideal room, fitting of a geek. Yeah!
Elvin says he’ll be coming over this week to play obscure 2 with me. Its a horror fighting game with eerie music and zombie slashing. My sound system I can do without -_-”. All those people who what to gate-crash my house and room please inform me before coming. I will tell you the details. Those will health problems are not allowed.
I just realized that this is the first post I have done which does not involve serious stuff. I’m amazed. I always thought my sole purpose of this blog was to help improve my english language, but I never knew people actually read this, haha. I guess for the sake of my brother and Wei Mei abroad I shall update this blog more often.
Flagitious
No man or woman can shun from the temptations of sin. No matter how adequately you are equipped to fight off Satan’s devious provocations, it is only a matter of time before he finds out your weakness. Let’s face it: No one’s perfect, and so am I. Satan is not a demi-god born with a pea-sized brain. He has made himself nomadic, shifting through each aspect of your life, scrutinizing it until he finds an opening, and then apply pressure until you give in. I too have felt this.
However, I find relief just in the fact that Christ has already forgiven. Nothing that you have done, can make him close the door. The amount of mistakes I have made in this life surmounts to a mountain that can go head to head with Mount Everest, and i am not proud of that. Many of these habits and mistakes has cost opportunities for me to succeed, to be deemed a success in many peoples eyes. Many opportunities are ‘one off’. There is technically only one shot at A’levels, and let’s face it: I screwed up. Fell down all the way to the bottom of the dreaded bottomless pit. How does one raise from something they do not even know how high? Who is there to give you another chance? The answer to me, was simple. When the path leading forward looked dark and lonesome, god became the lantern i hold on to. When no one else could provide me with another chance at redemption, God gave me a chance of another life.
Its easy for me to say all these, especially when God has done so much in my life, so much so that it would seem as if grace has single-handedly dragged me back onto my feet. But all this happened only because I opened myself to the one God who WANTED to give me another chance.
Ashamed at myself for all the misdeeds, failures, disgrace, I locked myself up in a small room without light, never wanting to see it again, knowing I’m not fit. Then, I heard a knock on the door.
“My son, may I come in?”
“No! I’m too ashamed to face you! I will not let you see this disgrace that has befallen me!”
I locked the door so he couldn’t enter, but Jesus kept knocking on the door.
When I couldn’t take it anymore I decided to peep through to see want Jesus wanted to talk to me about. Scold me? Condemn me? Look upon my shame in disdain? As I peeped through the opening, there stood a Lord bleeding from the holes in his hand, so bloody, yet so saint, a smile upon his face, his arms wide open. On his right hand was a list of all my sins, my mistakes, the burdens of which I should be made to bear, my punishment put upon me by my actions, and there at the bottom right corner there were these writings in crimson blood:
Paid.
With love,
Jesus Christ
I welcome all who thinks they are not fit for glory to think again. Nobody was, until God gave us life. I welcome those that has not experienced God to take on this wonderful journey and let the Lord give you life you thought you have lost and never will retrieve. I welcome all to believe in my Lord, Jesus Christ. He has already paid your price.
