~*+My Journey Before Heaven+*~

Many know me as somebody who is really dramatic, whether in action or speech. This has been my character for many years, and it has been my way of life. It has been the way whereby I express myself, and acts as a way in which I can bring a smile onto the faces of others. It is all good, until recently.

It seems like I have reached a stage that I cannot continue to be what I like anymore. Who I am seem to have become a nascent problem instead. Humour is good and all, but people seem to never take you seriously when a point is brought about together with it.

“My god he is soooo drama, I cannot stand it.”

“Good job, that was really funny.”

“It had to be you.”

The type of comments which I get when I try to bring across a point is all good, but none of it shows that I have brought any point across to someone. It is as if the humour has overshadow the thought behind it, that it had been boudlerized due to its clashing nature compared to the humourous speech. This threw me into a shocking realisation. People do not treat you seriously when you are not serious. And because of the way I act and my mannerism, people do not seem to treat me seriously.

Ok, so why the sudden dilemma? I have become a christian, and thanks to my heavenly father, have gone through many life changing experiences. He has done so much for me, moulding me into who I am today, and I want to tell everyone what he has done for me so that people can see and know that he is the real god. I want to share my experiences so that people can learn and obey what god himself desires for them. However, my humour gets in the way. People just do not treat what you say seriously, only remembering all the funny things. The point, overshadowed by the humour and drama, is not brought across. How am I suppose to serve god and help people when nobody gets the crux of what you are trying to convey?! I came to a realisation that my ability to assist people to grow spiritually has been demeaned by my own dramatic character.

Conversely, when I speak to someone else and start with “Come, let’s open the bible. I have something to share.” and then talk about my gains from it with a straight face, the listener tends to opt for a serious approach, and really learns from it, pondering on the point that you bring to them. I want people to experience god through my words, so that they can truely grow in god.

However, I am just too drama. The ‘drama king’ and ‘love to act’ labels have detered people from taking me seriously, more so my words. Therefore, something has been prompting me to change the way I have been living my life, the way I portray myself. However, the reactions to my change all seems so wrong.

“Are you alright?”

“Why are you emoing?”

“Don’t look so down can?”

Am I really too serious? I seem to have created an image which makes it impossible for me to be serious. This fallacy must be brought down at all cost.

I am trying to find an undectable way of doing this, so that people would not be alarmed or distracted, but this has to be done. However, another problem surfaces. How am I going to live now? I would not be myself. How are people going to react to a different side of me? Did god not tell me to be who I am?

The exegesis for my wanting to change is seems aproppriate, but what if it is wrong? What if my reaction is chimerical, and people actually do treat me seriously? What if these feelings are only extemporaneous, and that I was only emo-ing when this thought arose? The dilemma comes from the inscrutable nature of the struggle. However, one thing seems clear: I want people to take the things I say more seriously.

The ‘talent’ of being humourous is beginning to feel more like an imprecation instead, and the change seems imminent. I hope I can conflate the two ideas of point and humour together so that a balance can be found. If not, i think changing my personality seems to be the viable option. May god guide my path and show me the truth.